Your official how-to guide on walking away (when you really don’t want to but know you have to)

Step 1: Hate yourself

And I’m talking deep self-loathing. Let that inner critic run wild—lots of bitter berating and angry internal chastising. Get it all out. Very stupid of you to let it get to this point. You know you knew better. You’re smarter than this etc. etc., so on and so forth. Whatever ugly story you’re telling yourself, don’t hold back. Negative self-talk until you can’t negative self-talk anymore—literally.

Step 2: Cry—a lot

This is a very important step so don’t think you’re above it. Stoicism in the face of heartbreak is akin to denial, which is around the corner from delusion. So cry. It’s sad, you’re sad— cry. Release that pressure valve as often as you need, because if not you’ll just remain stuck at the self-loathing stage and the world absolutely does not need any more internalized self-hate polluting our already-polluted air.

Step 3: Falter

You’re inevitably going to circle back to that thing you know you don’t need to be around anymore. It will feel like—

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You don’t want a love story